I am in a vortex of obligation.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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