it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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