Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
