let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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