Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
