I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
