dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
