I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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