i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
