Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
