I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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