I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
