The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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