i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
