There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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