I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
