she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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