I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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