i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
