wanna go halves on a baby?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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