He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
