check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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