I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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