I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
