Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
