I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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