So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
