...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
