I could have mohawked her pubes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
