she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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