i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
