: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
