so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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