new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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