I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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