your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
