if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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