my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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