So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
