Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
