the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
two words: eviction party
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
