he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
