The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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