Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
