The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she looked like the before picture.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
