i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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