You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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