My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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