so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
