i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
