Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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