I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
