you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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